Survival Mode

How to repair a sensitive nervous system

I recently came across an Instagram post from Dr. Brooke Weinstein that said “You are not lazy, unmotivated, or stuck. After years of living your life in survival mode, you are exhausted. There is a difference.” I had re-posted this in my Instagram stories and it really resonated with the Holy HSP community on there.

Many highly sensitives are unaware they don’t have to experience major trauma to be in survival mode. The truth is, most HSPs are living in survival mode day-to-day simply trying to function in a world that favors non-sensitivity. Our modern society was built by non-HSPs and it can be incredibly overstimulating to highly sensitives. Even the non-sensitives admit our modern world is a bit loud and chaotic…and for the highly sensitive who experiences the world as if the volume is turned way up … it can be a LOT!

Highly sensitive nervous systems work harder than non-sensitive systems. We live in the same world as non-HSPs but we are processing more data and doing so more deeply than those without the sensitive trait. This is …. Exhausting. We begin with the same capacity to start with as everyone else, but that capacity is depleted much more quickly in someone with high sensitivity.

Take an average, American, relaxing Saturday morning and use the bucket analogy. Let’s assume my husband and I start with the same buckets full of capacity. My husband, a non-HSP, grabs a cup of coffee then settles in to watch a pickleball match. This replenishes him after a week of working. He is relaxed, and his capacity is built back up.

I grab a cup of coffee (decaf, because my sensitive system is sensitive to caffeine. A common, though not universal HSP trait) but my bucket gets a tiny hole in it because my nervous system capacity is depleted by the sound of the Keurig (why is it so loud?!). The sun is particularly bright that morning (another hole), the neighbor has just started mowing (another hole) and the sports commentators on my husband’s pickleball match are already grating at my nerves (another hole). All things my non-HSP husband is vaguely aware of, but don’t poke holes in his bucket. His bucket is still full– in fact, his relaxing morning of coffee and pickleball patched a few holes he got from stressors at work that week! His nervous system is feeling GREAT! Meanwhile, it’s only 9am and my system is already being depleted. Keep in mind we said this was a relaxing Saturday morning! Nothing has happened. There was no drama, no stressful events. All is well. But, my highly sensitive nervous system is already being bombarded and depleted by things that are simply background noise to non-sensitives.

Without regularly patching those bucket holes, chronic overwhelm will set in and we will enter survival mode. Soon enough the sound of the Keurig or neighbor mowing will be enough to make us incredibly irritable or even anxious.

Of course, we’ve been assuming this whole time there is no major trauma affecting this hypothetical nervous system. Just living in our overstimulating world can cause an HSP to enter a state of survival, but the fact is most of us have some kind of trauma, whether big T or little T trauma. Grief, disappointments, conflict in relationships, health concerns, accidents, etcetera all will poke holes of varying sizes in our buckets. And, at some point it doesn’t matter how quickly or how much water we pour back in, our bucket will empty faster than we can refill it.

Of COURSE you feel tired and unmotivated --- your nervous system is required to process a LOT, each and every day. This is not laziness, this is exhaustion. It is also NOT lazy to take care of your sensitive nervous system. It is not lazy to choose rest over the dishes. It is not lazy to choose a quiet evening at home rather than eating out with friends. It is not lazy to skip making the bed. It is not lazy to [insert whatever tasks you feel unmotivated to do]. Instead of beating yourself up, embrace your sensitivity. Go slower, quieter, at whatever pace you need to keep your bucket thriving.

It’s okay to thrive as we discussed back in this post HERE!

And, the really good news is there ARE things we can do to repair and limit the bucket holes. We can’t prevent many life events from happening, but we CAN make sure our buckets are in the best shape they can be. A healthy bucket can hold on to more of our capacity, even in the face of stressors. If we’re patient enough, we also can repair the holes that already exist.

Ways to keep your nervous system happy and healthy (this list is not exhaustive!)

• Noise canceling headphones! NOT AirPods, but true noise cancelling headphones. Whether you use something like Loop earplugs or old-school over-the-ear headphones, noise cancelling headphones can be a lifesaver for highly sensitives.

•  SAY NO. This is hard for HSPs, but it’s IMPORTANT. You cannot say YES to everything non-HSPs say YES to. We’ve already established that our nervous systems are depleted faster …. We MUST start embracing that and saying NO.

• Make sure you’re eating enough! And don’t be afraid of carbs…especially if you’re a female HSP! When we starve our body, it goes into survival mode! This is one of the biggest bucket hole creators in our modern society, especially for women. Stay hydrated, too!

• Plan quiet activities. If necessary, put them on the calendar. Coloring, crafting, reading, puzzles, listening to music, whatever it is that you find relaxing that patches your bucket holes! Make time for these things.

•  Be cautious of entertainment. Just because everyone else is going to see the new Marvel movie or is obsessed with the new crime drama doesn’t mean you have to watch. Highly sensitives are often extremely sensitive to fast-paced action movies and violence. Embrace who you are and say NO. Politely decline the invite to keep your nervous system healthy! Even if you can handle these things pretty well, be aware of your nervous system on any given day. A personal example: I LOVE Star Trek. However, recently I was watching Voyager with my husband and honestly?... It got too intense, and I’ve had to take break while some external life stressors were happening. I’ll probably revisit when my bucket is in better shape.

• Don’t feel guilty for getting enough sleep! HSPs usually require more sleep than non-HSPs. Most find they thrive better with 9-10 hours of sleep. Don’t feel guilty for “sleeping in”! That’s our productivity culture talking. One of my favorite episodes of the Dick Van Dyke Show depicts Rob getting irritated with Laura because he wants to sleep in until 11am on this day off and she wants him to have breakfast with her. Rob isn’t lazy – Rob is tired.  

• Remember REST IS HOLY. You can read a post about this I wrote on IG HERE.

• Pay attention to what is overstimulating for you in any given season – and be mindful of these things. Even if it seems other sensitives aren’t bothered by it… if it’s overstimulating for you, even for a season, then be mindful of that and limit your exposure to it until your bucket is in better shape.

This last tip is too important to be a bullet point! Just like a sprained ankle needs rest, repair, and time … so do nervous systems. All of the above (plus many more things) will help! We must get enough sleep, take deep breaths, say no, etc. Being mindful of our physical bodies and the physical nervous system is important. HOWEVER, the spiritual matters just as much! We are wise to remember how healing The Word of God is.

Psalm 1:2-3 says

“But his delight is in the Law of the LORD,

And on His Law he meditates day and night.

 He will be like a tree planted by

 streams of water,

Which yields its fruit in its season,

And its leaf does not wither; And in whatever he does, he prospers.”

And, Proverbs 3:1-8 says

“My son, do not forget my teaching,

 But have your heart comply with my commandments;

 For length of days and years of life

And peace they will add to you.

Do not let kindness and truth leave you;

Bind them around your neck,

Write them on the tablet of your heart.

So you will find favor and a good reputation

 In the sight of God and man.

 Trust in the Lord with all your heart

And do not lean on your own understanding.

 In all your ways acknowledge Him,

 And He will make your paths straight.

Do not be wise in your own eyes;

 Fear the Lord and turn away from evil.

It will be healing to your body

 And refreshment to your bones.”

Healing to your body and refreshment to your bones…The Word of God is powerful! We don’t deny the importance of everything else on the list…Invest in some noise canceling headphones, say no to overstimulating activities, etc, but also spend time in the Word. (Bonus points for doing so with the noise canceling headphones on!) Trust me, your nervous system will thank you.

Never forget: God didn’t create hustle culture that worships productivity and money over holy rest. But, God DID create you and created you to be sensitive – there is nothing wrong with you. Embrace your sensitivity and take care of yourself!

If you’re living in survival mode (like so many of us are!) you likely need to spend some time in prayer to ask the Holy Spirit where you might need to say no and where you could spend time mending your bucket holes. Pushing through, despite what culture tells us, will only result in more and more holes and less and less capacity. Take time for rest and repair and adjust as needed for larger stressors. It may only take 5 minutes of noise canceling headphones to repair your bucket hole from the lawn mower. It will take a lot more to repair the bucket hole from that stressful life situation. And, if you’ve been in survival mode trying to live as a non-HSP for years, or even decades, be patient. You won’t fix your capacity bucket overnight, but with patience and commitment, you’ll get there!

Thanks for being here, Dear Reader!